Layered Cake

I was driving home from PostNet after sending off yet another Fedex envelope and quietly bawling my way through the intersection.  I got home and Dec put his arms AND legs out for a hug and asked, "Mom!  Why are you crying?  I thought something good came."

You see, adoption is like baking a layered cake.  Sure, the baking soda and raw egg and flour don't taste so hot when you dip a finger in and test each ingredient.  They're actually completely disgusting to taste alone.  However, you just know and trust that by the end of a lot of elbow grease, you will have luscious stacks of sweet baked batter glued together with fluffy buttery icing and all covered in a delicious layer of thick frosting topped with some awesome colorful design and even twinkling candles.  Nothing looks more hopeful and celebratory than a fantastic cake.  Wedding cake, birthday cake, anniversary cake, pretty much any homemade cake and I am wishing I were first in line (but politely holding back to be #2 or 3 of course).

So what's up with the metaphor?  Well, nothing seems to go like you'd like it to.  The times when we are desperate to move ahead, something always seems to slow things down.  It's hard to take over and over again.  Four days ago I contacted the federal officer in charge of evaluating us as an adoptive family as she had implied that we were to be approved 3 days prior to that.  When I reached her, she said that for various reasons, it had taken until 4 days ago to get us approved but that we were approved (Yippee!) and she was mailing the document out.

I have waited each day at 2:30 to receive a text from Thom telling me whether it had arrived or not.  I had hoped for Thursday, then Friday.  Each day I read, "Not here yet".  I have never been so interested in our mailbox in my life I think.   So, today, it came.  Woo hoo!  In my heart, I wanted to just be able to celebrate and jump up and down and cry with joy when I read the words. "You have been approved to adopt ONE CHILD from the following Convention country:  The People's Republic of China.  This approval is subject to the following instructions...: A female child from birth to five years of age, with moderate correctable special needs."  Here it is in black and white:  every step we have taken toward being approved has led us to this moment in which our country has officially determined that we are suitable adoptive parents.  I feel like I have a special glittery red stamp across my forehead that says, "APPROVED TO ADOPT!"  along with a big yellow smile face.

But then we noticed the time.  The mail comes between 2:30 and 3:00PM.  The Fedex pick-up is at noon.  We had already missed it.  The latest pick-up in the region was 3:00PM and we had missed that.  There was no way to get the documents to our adoption agency in Utah earlier than Tuesday AM.  I rushed out to get it in motion and to double-check our calculations.  Is there any way to get these papers to Utah on Monday?  No way, no how.  Nada.  Zip.  Zilch.  "So what?" you ask.  Why isn't Tuesday the 26th good enough?  Well, our deadline to have the dossier submitted to China is Friday, January 29th.  The papers are all in Utah and ready to go except for this one document.  This document still has to be authenticated and that will take 3 days in the rush process.  Is there any way to find out if our paperwork will make it? Not until Monday.

Do I really think we are in trouble?  No, because I really love cake and I know how to make a tasty one and I know that even if you are just putting the finishing touches on it by the end of the party games, it will still be in enough time to get those candles on and sing the song.  I know somehow that this is going to be okay because I know that I am Lulu's Mama.  I know it deep down in my soul.  I know that it is going to work out and that sometime this Spring or Summer we will be going to get her.

I know that I am even lucky to know who she is and to have an official referral this early in the game (most people have to have the I-800A approval that we just received today before they even get to consider referrals).  As I was driving home from the Fedex pick-up center and realizing that I was scared, I recognized that somehow I just have to hold on to that image of  Lulu's first birthday party with her forever family.  It's going to be this October and I can't wait to see her face when she sees her cake, her candles, her loving family and friends, and that with time and faith, she will know how much we love her.  The paperwork will end someday and the love will be there for all time.  I just know it.