Adoption Penpal or Guardian Angel?

I received the neatest email the other day.  A mom on the East Coast (I think) is adopting her second time from China and found out from our adoption agency that we are on about the same time schedule.  This wonderful woman's name is Shelley M. and she was kind enough to email me twice to get through my spamblocker to let me know that we might be traveling together and that it would be neat to get to know each other before the trip.  It is very common for adoptive families from one agency to travel internationally together.  Also, I understand from Grammy Katie that when one is in a Chinese hotel that westerners frequent, it is common to meet many adopting families.

So, Shelley shared that last year they adopted their 4th child and first adopted child from China.  Their daughter in 2.  Fantastically, when they were in China to adopt their youngest daughter, the family met and recognized a now 12 year old girl- Avery- who will be their 5th child.  Shelley and 12 year old biological daughter will be going to China, likely at the same time as us, to receive Avery (the newest 12 year old).

In multiple emails back and forth over one or two days- Shelley, thanks for being so responsive- she filled me in on the likely timeline for traveling to China.  Everyone asks me all the time when we will be going to China.  We have only our best calculations based on very little information and presuming no snafus and basically as each month goes by, we guess one month past our last guess.  I mean that I used to say, "February or March", early on.  Lately, I have been saying, "May or June".  I was even hopeful enough that that might be correct as we are so far into the process that I blocked out my schedule for that time period in order not to inconvenience others.

After talking by email with Shelley, we now realize that we would be very lucky to be able to travel in June or July and her calculations put us possibly in July or September even.  It is totally a guessing game for both of us and even though I didn't enjoy the reality check, I really appreciated it because it is simply disappointing to have to wait so long to actively be the parent I want to be for Lulu.  It is so hard to know that she has no idea how much we love her and how hard we are working to get to her.  However, I am grateful and relieved that she has a fantastic foster mother who stated in her write-ups how much her foster family loves her.  She is clearly dearly loved and well and safe.  What more can we ask?

I must share how Shelley came to our rescue.  She doesn't even know it yet.  See, the thing about adoption is that so much of it is out of your control that the whole process feels uncomfortable and awkward.  As Americans, we are so accustomed to getting the information we want, when we want it, and having very set timelines for everything.  International adoption just doesn't work that way.  We are working with fabulous social workers, adoption experts, dossier specialists, local jurisdictions, state and federal institutions, and a whole second country.  We are so fortunate to be working with such dedicated and patient people in this process.  We just work hard to follow the instructions, be diligent and organized, and mostly be persistent and patient.

We were booked to fingerprint on Jan. 15th as I said in an earlier post.  We went a week early in order to speed the process.  Shelley shared with me that she had fingerprinted and then not long after, contacted her USCIS officer (didn't even know we had one!) and they were able to tell her that she was approved and would be receiving her USCIS approval in a few days.  I wrote back that I had tried to find some way to reach a human being and couldn't find one.  Shelley confirmed that it was possible and led me to the place to find the number.  I dialed, explained the situation, and they asked whether I would like to speak with MY officer.  Yes Ma'am I would!  The officer said that she had no idea that we had fingerprinted early as we were on her radar screen for the 15th.  As it was the 14th the day she and I spoke, she promised to review my file the next morning.

The next morning, I got a horrible voicemail.  Officer Harrison said that she just needed one more piece of evidence and that we were required to get our Homestudy approved by a huge national agency (Holt) as they had some sort of accreditation for our Homestudy agency.  I called the Homestudy agency to find out what was going on.  Of course our own dossier specialist is out on Fridays but her co-worker who covers her work was in.  Of course this was all happening while I was walking into Quin's school to teach the class's monthly art lesson as their Art Docent.  Needless to say, I made a call, and three different people had to confer in three different states and figured out that there was a templated typo on our Homestudy approval page that had listed Holt International instead of Wasatch Adoptions International.  The folks in Utah and Washington State got it all straightened out by 2PM that day.  Phew!  If I had not known that I could call the USCIS officer and get this error fixed right away, we would have waited likely weeks with forms going back and forth and confusion ensuing and then probably have missed our dossier submission deadline from China.  Instead, we actually had direct communication and an easy fix.  THANK YOU SHELLEY and every one else that fixed things for us that day.

Now what are we waiting for?  Hopefully this means that we will receive our USCIS I-800A approval in the mail this week and we will be officially approved to be an American adoptive family.  When that form comes, it will be immediately overnighted to Wasatch to be sent to China with all of our other documents.  Then we wait for our Log-in-Date (LID).  Shelley is also teaching me the adoption paperwork lingo as it is used by most in our situation.

The essence of all this commentary is that through finding Lulu, I have made a new friend.  Our families will likely meet through traveling to receive our daughters this year.  Additionally, this process is what is and it is lovely to have someone to share it with in addition to our family.