Care Package #2

There is a neat woman in China through whom one can send care packages to future adoptees in China after you are far enough in the process.  You look at her website www.redthreadchina.com and choose preplanned package with a theme such as PJs or Birthday or Moon Cakes or choose individual items and put your own package together.  Payment is easy through Paypal.

We sent a Hello Kitty bookbag for which Ann creates a tag that says that the bag belongs to Minlan and includes a request for the orphanage or foster family to place all her precious items inside.  That way, a child is assisted in being sure anything that she now owns (her care package items) come with her.  We sent two dresses (Auntie Kayce and I chose the "strawberries" dress with the stylized little girl and Ann at Red Thread China chose the pink and white one) and matched them with hair clips we ordered.  We also requested a small cuddly toy or doll as well as green tea and cookies for the foster family.  Ann was out of shoes at the time so we will order those later.

We were also allowed to send a letter to the orphanage director that Ann translated as part of our order.  Here is the text of the letter:

Dear Orphanage Director,

I would very much appreciate it if you could give this package and these items to my future adopted daughter (we listed her full name and DOB), and her kind foster mother.

We are so grateful for everything you are doing for Min Lan and the other children under your care.  We were very glad to see that Min Lan now has glasses and a patch in her December photos.  Thank you for providing that care for her and helping her with her vision.

I wonder if you might answer a few questions for us about Min Lan.  I have sent an addressed card that you might send back to us:
1.  In what city is she living with her foster Mother?
2. What does Min Lan like to be called?  Does she have a nickname?
3.  Does she have a bestfriend or frequent playmate?
4.  What is her favorite color?
5.  Is there a children's song or other song she really likes or that her foster mother sings to her?
6.  How do you know when she is upset or angry?  How is she calmed?
7.  Would her foster mother like to stay in contact with us as Min Lan grows up?  We would support that if allowed.
8.  May we have her foster mother's name for her memories?
9.  Is there a foster father?

I thank you for taking the time to read my letter and I hope you will respond.  We will have your note translated here when it arrives.

With great respect and gratitude,
Karin and Thom Harp

Ann sent us the photos today and said that the package should be received within a few days.  It feels so good to be able to send something to our darling girl.  It feels like a link or connector has been placed as we now have a way to show her that we are thinking about her.   Who knows what kind of preparation she will have before we arrive.  Hopefully with the blankie, Winnie-the-Pooh, dress and family photo-album in the first package and now these fun goodies, she will start to make positive connections between these far-away family members and her own life. 

NVC letter in Hand

From Karin and Thom's iPad:
We received the NVC letter today by PDF.   It still hadn't come by mail.

I had to ask four times to get it emailed but it came thanks to persistence and multiple kind people at the NVC center.  Thanks Mom for teaching me to be polite combined with assertive. Sometimes it pays not to give up. The phone call a day got me nowhere but the email system was the key.

This is my favorite part of the NVC letter:
"The State Department's National Visa Center has recently received your approval Form I-800, Petition to Classify Orphan as an Immediate Relative. This letter is to inform you that your petition has been forwarded to the appropriate visa-issuing post where the adoption interview will take place."

It goes on to name Minlan and says that, the case has been forwarded to the consulate in Guangzhou in the People's Republic of China.

Yippee wahoo hooray!

So what does THIS mean? Well, I reported our progress on Rumor Queen so it could be charted and then I had to ask the group what happens next. Thank goodness for the blogosphere. The answer came right away:

-The consulate produces a document called the Article 5 which may be picked up in person at the consulate only on a Monday or on a Thursday. It is the document that tells China that the US agrees to the whole process and will make the adopted child a US citizen. It takes two weeks to produce the Article 5 so ours will be ready on June 3rd at the earliest. The agency person in China picks it up and delivers it to the CCAA.  The CCAA then asks the orphanage whether the child is still available for adoption. The orphanage must respond and then the Travel Approval is created by CCAA.   It takes 2-4 weeks for the TA to be produced depending on how fast the orphanage responds. When Travel Approval is given, then the agency gets to ask for a consulate appointment for us and we get to get on a plane.

Phew. Each step feels so big yet so tiny. Just like it is when I look at the photos of Minlan's adorable hands. Tiny, but the hands of a girl who can already do so much. I can't wait to hold them in mine, watch her play with toys, help her to turn the pages of her book, tie her shoes and more. We're all taking tiny steps to something huge.

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Updated photos!

We just received a set of photos of Minlan from December 14, 2009. She obviously has a sense of humor, feels loved, and knows how to have fun. What a cutie! Her dimples are back too!

The neatest thing though is that we get to see her with her snazzy glasses and patching of the dominant eye. Note that her left eye is looking almost straight ahead in one photo without her turning her head to the side. The iris is in the middle. This is a first for our happy little girl. I am so proud of her and so thrilled to see her enjoying herself.




She'll fit right in with her goofball big brothers.



Oh, those dimples!


Love from foster mommy.



Fun with a friend. She's so cute!

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Girl Stuff

The Hannah Anderson Outlet 30% off Everything Sale opened today. For the first time, I got to go in and peruse the adorable soft cotton girls stuff. The dresses were precious. Oh my goodness. I had no idea how much fun it would be to imagine my sweet (or cranky, or peppy, or talkative or
quiet) darling girl in her first jean jumper with a red trim on the pockets.

One pink blue and red gingham dress with light-blue shorts drew a full-on smiley, "Awwwwww....", from Thom. It just lit him up. In the basket it went.
Of course the boys got a few pairs of shorts for the summer. But navy blue shorts and a t-shirt with Popsicles that says, "Chill out" is not quite as satisfying as the modernist floral motif of a swingy cotton dress. Okay, the t-shirt was cute... But I am getting more and more desperate for an update. I heard a few sad stories about other families this week and I just want to know that she is okay. I want to know that she is growing, playing, being... Then I want her to be in my arms. In her daddy's arms. To look at her and know that we love her and that someday she will accept that love and even reciprocate it when she is ready. The important part is that we get to begin the part where we actively care for her and are responsible for her welfare. if I was allowed to get on that plane tomorrow, I would. We would.

Today I contacted the National Visa Center. They input the I-800 approval late last night and a letter went out to us today. I asked them to send me a PDF of the letter to speed things up but, although they said it would be sent, I never received it. We will expect to get it in the mail next week but they did confirm that they notified the consulate in Guangzhou about our approvals. One more step on the path to adopting Minlan and uniting our family.

I'll get back to my nesting now and get those cutie-girl clothes in the wash so I may lovingly fold them and pat them, and press them into those waiting dresser drawers. Those cute little clothes waiting for their girl along with us.









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It's in the Water/9-10 Months

Everyone I know is pregnant. Not really. But it feels like it. In a good way.

One of my closest friends is due one month from today. My friend at work is due in September. Two acquaintances who I see weekly are in their second trimesters. Another dear friend just found out she is now excitedly expecting her third in December. Last week our whole family celebrated the news that our own Masha (my stepsister) is expecting her first and due in September.

All these women have an expanding waistlines that tell the world that they have big changes, dreams, trials, and joys ahead. The world of mothers and women and parenting automatically comes to the forefront of most interactions. The fantastic book I am reading, Toddler Adoption, advises me that parenting a new child from toddlerhood is not like parenting an infant. I am still an expectant mother but no one can see it. To share in the community of motherhood, not only do I need to talk to the women expecting babies, but I also need to connect with mothers of toddlers.

Our child will be completely new to us, to our family, to our life, but she will come with her opinions, her grief, her life experiences both good and bad, and her ability to express herself in those powerful ways that a toddler can really pull off. She will be in a 3 year old's package with all her memories and feelings but is expected to be emotionally more like a 2 year old. All the literature says that things are going to be even harder than we expect.

So am I scared? Yes. Am I excited and optimistic? Absolutely. We are "due" in 2.5 months. It's wild and amazing to me that the little girl I already love will be in my arms soon. I am painfully desperate for an update on her. Our last written info is from July, 2009 and our last photos are from October, 2009. I want to know how she is doing, what she looks like, what she likes to do. The emails from the adoption agency, any document, the sending of a care package, any small step forward, all take the place of the doctor's appointments my friends are going to.

Do I envy them? No. I truly believe that I am meant to be Minlan's mother and we are all meant to be her family. She is meant to be our daughter. Our pre-approval came at the end of October and our day to receive our daughter will be at the end of July. 10 months. That's the length of time we medical folks think of when considering human gestation. Everyone around me, including myself, is expecting. As my pregnant colleague said when I told her our family is expecting a daughter and a nephew this Summer, "It's in the water".













Here we are signing our Letter of Approval from CCAA on my birthday and our acceptance of the plan to adopt Minlan.
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I-800 in Hand

Quin and I went to the mailbox and the I-800 USCIS approval had arrived.  This was our final approval of our "Petition to Classify Convention Adoptee as an Immediate Relative".  We did a little happy dance in the driveway and I have just scanned the form off to the agency folks.  I have no idea what happens next and whether I need to Fedex the original anywhere.  I didn't think to ask that in advance.  So unlike me!  But I have been trying to go with the flow but also to be quick when I do know what to do.  Fascinating time.  Lotsa growth going on around here.  Not just in our every taller boys...

So, the grown-ups are going to "Ironman 2" tonight and will celebrate over dinner.  Lulu's brothers and cousins will have a play night with Nana and Bapa.  We'll all be thinking about the little girl that we already think of as our "Immediate Relative".  The USCIS agrees with us!  I'm just going to take a moment now to thank God from my whole heart.

The US says, "Yes!"

I have been checking in periodically with Officer Harrison at USCIS to see how close we were to I-800 approval.  Now that we have the final approval from China to be the adopting parents of Allura Minlan, and we have the approval of the USCIS to adopt internationally through the Hague convention, we need the final approval of Allura as THE adoptee.  The one and only.  The precious.  The fabulous.  The beloved.

Yesterday was the two week mark from the USCIS's receipt of our final I-800 application to their lockbox in Texas.  When we received the receipt, I asked Officer Harrison, as she had processed our I-800A, how long the next step would take.  She told me that it takes 7-14 days to get from the lockbox to her desk but she assured me that I-800s take precedence over I-800As as there is an actual specific child involved and she would process it immediately.

At yesterday's two week mark, I emailed her to find out if it had made it to her desk.  This AM, I received this email:

"Good morning Karin,

In an answer to your question, I received the I-800 on 5/5/2010, 

and processed on the same day.  Congratulations, 

I approved the your case and the approval notices went out 

in the mail that day!  Please let me
know if I can be of further assistance!

Thanks!"

Although we already have tickets, we still need every permission 

and every document to be processed, done in time, and in our hands. 

This is one more fantastic step to parenting

our youngest child. 

Next step?  No idea.  Something about the National Visa Center 

and "cabling to Guangzhou".

Stay tuned for more soon....  Smiles..... 

We're gonna put on our dancing shoes and get our 

groove on in celebration. 

Reality Checks

This week has been full of the small things we do to prepare ourselves for adoption.  Thom and the boys went to the county Health District office for a travel consultation.  I had already done mine and gotten my typhoid vaccine when we were thinking we were going to Russia.  The boys were absolutely calm and brave because they knew they had to do this in order to go to be with Lulu.  When I asked them what they remembered of the visit, they said that when we are in China, they have to shower with their eyes and mouth shut in order to avoid accidental water ingestion that was not bottled and sealed.  Sounds like there were lots of useful tidbits before they got the precious gift certificate for a Frosty (milkshake) for being so brave for their shots.

Yesterday I received a call from my oldest friend who adopted her son from Ethiopia almost 3 years ago.  I thanked her for letting me know that when you are waiting and the wait seems endless, one starts to worry and fret about how things will go, how the family will do and anything else a stressed mind can come up with.  The knowledge that what I am thinking is normal when I worry about how we will handle two active boys, the financial aspects of this endeavour,  and a toddler who may be working on her "terrible twos/threes" is a normal healthy concern.   It's okay to fret and move on or even to perseverate a bit. 

She was glad that her advice helped me and wanted to share another piece of wisdom.  She pointed out that anyone adopting will have dreams and expectations that may or may not be met.  She is sure our adoption will be the treasure and joy that we hope for and that all will go well overall.  But, that we need to know that anything can go any way and it's entirely possible that our expectations won't be met and we will need to work with that.  She wasn't offering this because of anything I had said at all but instead the knowledge of what it is like to expect a child whether biological or adopted.  Another friend had many minuses along with the pluses in the adoption of two older siblings.  One always dreams and imagines and projects what one's children might be like.  How you work with the differences and the discoveries a huge difference. 

I am so grateful that friends, families and new friends through adoption are so willing to share their experiences.  Tonight, when I finish my current trashy novel, I will begin to read my new book  Toddler Adoption.  Insights galore and I am ready to soak them up.

Flight Plan

We bought tickets this week!  I can hardly believe I get to say this. 

I learned, from my Yahoo Groups and adopting family blogs, that ticket prices to Asia are skyrocketing.  It seems that when school is out, everyone travels to Asia.  T., one of the Mom's adopting this summer, received permission to book mileage seats in advance in order to be sure she can afford the tickets.  She notified our group that she would be flying July 1.  She is about two weeks ahead of us in the paperchase and, like us, does not yet have travel approval. 

Usually, a family will wait until they have the final approvals from the USCIS and China AND have received their travel approval (TA) before buying tickets.  This means you buy tickets for a flight only a few days to weeks away at some exorbitant high season price.  This avoids purchasing tickets too early as you must have the TA in hand before getting on a plane.  However, with the way the ticket prices are going up ($100-$300 a day since I started looking), we were not going to be able to afford take the boys and Nana unless we bought tickets now.

The agency person who coordinates this part of the process (Sabrina) calculated potential travel dates out for us numerous times.  While she worked on this, I tried valiantly to get us mileage seats for at least half the group.  Multiple lengthy attempts were unsuccessful as I found that all mileage seats to Asia available to us had been booked about a year in advance.  I started getting very desperate.  When looking at various airlines and dates, I only found things to be more and more expensive.  Additionally, the potential calculations for reasonable dates that would ensure that we had received ALL of our documents pushed things from the idea of receiving Lulu in June into July. 

Then Sabrina settled on a date that was comfortable for her to expect all paperwork to be completed:  July 19th.  We would be allowed to purchase tickets for July 19th with a presumed/hoped for "Gotcha Day" of July 26th.   This is the first time I have heard a proposal for a real honest-to goodness Gotcha Day.  This will be the special day in which we meet, receive, and begin to connect with our daughter at the provincial offices in Nanning.

I spent hours trying to work with a website and on the phone with a help center in India.  I went to bed that night furious with an airline.  I couldn't book six tickets at once on their site but since they were the least expensive airline, and recommended by an acquaintance from US and Mainland China, I was determined to work it out.  I worked two computers at once and was able to buy two tickets at the promised price but was locked out of buying the other four tickets.  I tried every credit card, multiple options, and then called for help.  The help desk first told me there were no seats on my flight.  I had 2 out of 6 on a plane that I needed 6 to fly on.  The website gave me every indication that seats were available.  The reservations agent spoke with a supervisor and let me know that they no longer had any online pricing seats available but that they could release seats to me at the higher price.  I was completely miffed but at this point I recognized that we were going to be lucky to be able to fly on the same plane at all and if I had to wait even one more day, we would lose the opportunity to travel at all.  We were allowed to reserve the seats that night and if we called back in the AM when their credit card desk re-opened, we would have the tickets.

Did I get up early to call reservations desk in India?  I sure did!  We bought them and the boys went off to school that morning and spontaneously started telling their teachers and classmates how excited they were to be going to get their sister in July.  Even if it is two months away, it is ONLY two months away and that feels a lot better than having no idea when we would go and whether we would be able to take the boys.

So, very happy news from the Harp household this week.  We will depart on a Monday, arrive in China Tuesday evening, tour either Guilin and Yangshuo along the Li River or tour Beijing - we still have to decide that part of the plan- then we will get to Nanning on Sunday and unite the family on Monday.  Then we have days of adoption related activities in Nanning and then in Guangzhou.  More agenda later.  Right now, I just want to bask in the joy of having tickets.  It does feel good.